


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

by forestfloor



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21940126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestfloor/pseuds/forestfloor
Summary: Vanessa meets someone on the bus home who might brighten up her Christmas.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 8
Kudos: 133





	1. I'm pine-ing for you

**Author's Note:**

> A Christmas AU where they are about 20 years old. 
> 
> Turns out my timing is actually really bad and I'm starting to post a 6 chapter fic the day before Christmas.

It's going to be ten minutes later, again. Vanessa would've been home had she started walking the first time the bus was delayed. But she had lain flat on her back this morning already. And right in front of the library as well. Rhona had laughed for minutes when Vanessa walked in, her back wet from the snow and with a face like thunder.   
  
The thick layer of snow had turned into an icy trap that kept the hospitals busy and the streets emptier than usual. Many people opting to take the bus, which miraculously was still on the road, even though all public transport normally halts at even the faintest hint of cold.   
  
They had studied in the library the whole day, preparing for their last exam before the Christmas holiday. Almost everyone was going home to spend it with their families, so they had decided to throw a Christmas party on the day after the exams. Some guy she vaguely knew from a dissection practical in the first semester had offered to host it at his house, wiggling his eyebrows when he asked if she would be there too. At least Rhona and Paddy were going to be there to distract her. More and more people invited themselves during the week and what was supposed to be a small game night with friends turned into a massive house party she wasn't sure she'd enjoy.   
  
Just two more minutes now. She scrambles for her bus card, freaking out when she doesn't feel it in its designated place in her wallet. She looks around in a blind panick when she sees the bus approaching, trying to see if she's dropped it on the ground somewhere, pushing through the large crowd that has gathered at the bus stop.   
  
The crowd starts to thin, people stepping into the bus and Vanessa growls in frustration and walks away. As _if_ she has to walk home after waiting almost an hour for a bus she can't even take.   
  
She burries her head in her thick yellow scarf and puts her hands in her pockets, the blunt edges of her bus card pressing against her right hand. The bus is still there, so Vanessa turns around and runs as fast as she can. Just before the doors close she steps in, the bus driver giving her a funny look as she scans her card and quickly walks past to look for an empty seat. There doesn't seem to be any, but she's not going to stand for half an hour in this foul mood when there is a perfectly comfortable floor to sit down on.   
  
Just when she's about to plant herself on the floor in the back of the bus she sees an empty spot next to a scowling woman who looks to be around her own age. If looks could kill, she'd definitely be six feet under right now. Murdered in broad day light for taking up the empty seat next to the woman. But Vanessa is tired and stubborn and she is going to sit down damn it, if it's the last thing she does.   
  
"Can I sit there?" She tries to go for a kind tone, but it comes out more impatient than she'd like.   
  
The woman barely looks up as she shakes her head. "Nah, it's taken." She points at her backpack that's lying in the empty seat, as if Vanessa is daft to even suggest that maybe her backpack is less deserving of the seat than herself.   
  
"Right. You saving it for someone, or -?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Apparently she's not even going to pretend to have a decent excuse.  
  
Vanessa grabs the backpack and drops it to the floor, sitting down in the seat and looking at the woman defiantly, a wide grin on her face. She half expects the woman to slap her in her face or at least push her away, but she just looks surprised, like she didn't expect Vanessa to stand up for herself.   
  
Many people think she's a pushover, her mom one of them unfortunately, ordering her around like nobody's business. "Tiny but fierce," Rhona had said once, when some guy tried to get her to do all the groupwork herself and she'd given him what for. "You don't mess with the Ness," Paddy had added, before they'd all collapsed on the floor laughing.  
  
"I'm Vanessa," she says, holding her hand out for the other woman to shake. "Woodfield."   
  
"Charity," the woman says, rolling her eyes and shaking her hand as if she's about the snap it in half. "Dingle."   
  
Vanessa knew who Charity was. Had seen her about a couple of times and many people had stories to tell about her. But they hadn't actually met. Not that Vanessa didn't want to, but there had never been a good reason to introduce herself. And Charity wasn't really known for her aptitude for small-talk or her kindness to strangers.   
  
"Well nice to meet you Charity Dingle."   
  
Vanessa is pretty sure Charity has no idea who she is and she's not about to get on her bad side, if she isn't already. Because Charity looks like she'd win the fight, easily a head taller and scrappy as anything if the rumours are correct. Not that she pays all that much attention to them. Many stories are doing the rounds about herself as well, some more outrageous than anything, most barely bordering on the truth.  
  
Charity's blonde curls fall just over her shoulders when she turns to stare out of the window. The auburn roots revealing her natural hair colour, much darker than the shade she chose to dye it. She's wearing a lot of make-up, the thick layer of foundation visible even from where Vanessa is sitting. Her black shirt looks thin and her blue coat even thinner. Now Vanessa is looking a little better she sees that Charity's lips are slightly blue and she has tucked her hands under her knees.   
  
"Take my mittens, they'll warm you right up." Vanessa takes them out of her backpack and holds them up, bright yellow and one of the first things she knitted with her granny, years before she passed away.   
  
"You're okay. They don't really fit with the vibe I'm going for." Charity shrugs and turns to look out of the window again, to the snowy roads outside, big snowflakes falling down and providing a fresh layer of snow.   
  
It's going to be a white Christmas after all. Vanessa loves a good snowball fight, but her mom is not going to be pleased with this. Every new snowflake immediately shoveled away to keep her lawn immaculate, her stepdad carrying out every order she throws at him. Afraid to disobey and too smitten to question it anyway. His rose-coloured glasses are showing her mom much more favourably than she really is. He'll be scared out of his wits when he takes them off one day.  
  
"Please." Vanessa decides she wants to push a little. Charity looks like she needs a break, or at least warm hands. "I can warm them up for you as well." She smiles as she graps Charity's hands and wraps her own around them. But Charity pulls them back quickly. Something flashes through her eyes. Anger maybe, or fear even. But it's gone as fast as it came, replaced by the scowl that was there before.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Vanessa says.  
  
"It's fine. Just not keen on strangers grabbing my hands."   
  
"Right. Sorry." Vanessa folds her hands in her lap, tensing the muscles in her leg so it doesn't touch Charitys's. Falling arse over tit on her way to the library and upsetting someone on the bus, what a great day today has been already and it's barely four o'clock.   
  
The bus stops and for a second it looks like Charity is going to flee, but she stays put and looks at her instead. Inquisitive eyes roaming over her body. Not much on display though, with her thick black coat zipped up to her neck and her yellow scarf still wrapped around her. A sharp elbow stabs her side and Vanessa turns her head, her stomach going all funny when she notices how close Charity is to her now.   
  
"Where you going anyway Vanessa?" She overpronounces her name, dragging the syllables out. "You'd think the North Pole with all that kit on."  
  
"Just home." Vanessa tries to keep her voice steady, pretending that Charity's leg touching hers isn't affecting her at all.   
  
"Warming up in front of the fireplace with a hot toddy?" Charity lifts her eyebrows, tilting her head as if imagining the picture she just set up.   
  
"Not quite that luxurious I'm afraid," Vanessa says. "Just sitting close to the radiator with a hot chocolate probably. Rhona is cooking so I can take some time for myself."  
  
"Rhona?" The way Charity says it makes Vanessa laugh. With such distaste in her voice that it makes Charity's nose scrunch up.   
  
"Yeah, my friend. We just studied in the library together. Exam tomorrow. I mean everyone is going crazy. You have one too or you all ready for Christmas?"  
  
Charity's eyes narrow when Vanessa mentions uni, her lips curling down a bit. But she seems to shake it off pretty quickly and presents a wide smile instead. "Nah, I don't go there." Charity rushes on. "And anyway, how great is that friendship if she just studied with you and you live together, but she takes a different way home. Seems a bit dodgy that."  
  
"Excuse me." Vanessa holds her hand to her chest in mock offense. The gloves she's still holding dangling in front of her. "She went to the supermarket actually. She's probably home already, 'cause the bus took ages. Had to stand at the bus stop for an hour, freezing my bits off."   
  
Charity touches Vanessa's knee, her fingertips cold when they drift across her leg, goose bumps appearing in their wake. From the cold, she would've said if she didn't suspect there might be other reasons as well. "Well I'm so sorry, Miss Fancypants." Charity is smirking now, her eyes sparkling with it. "Having to stand outside in the cold with her big bulky coat and her scarf and her gloves."   
  
Charity gasps when Vanessa pokes her in her side, using her hands as a shield to fend her off, her hair brushing Vanessa's cheek as Charity softly pushes her hands away. "I'm no Miss Fancypants or whatever," Vanessa says, emphasizing the Fancy part.   
  
Charity's head snaps up when a voice announces the next stop, her face serious now. "Right, that's mine." She looks almost sad when she says it, a slight hint of disappointment in her voice. Her backpack lands on her back with a thud and a gentle smile creeps on her face when she stands up. Nudging Vanessa's knees with hers to get them to move out of her way.   
  
"Bye Vanessa," she says, as she starts to walk away. On impulse Vanessa grabs Charity's hand, an apology already on her lips, but Charity doesn't snatch it back this time. Instead turning to look at her, eyebrows slanted in question.   
  
Vanessa holds her gloves up and pushes them against Charity's stomach. "Please take them." When Charity doesn't do anything she tries for a smile. "They'd look great on you." Her hands are shaking a bit, when Charity takes her gloves. Her fingers touching Vanessa's. And it feels like a gun to the head, adrenaline pumping through her body.   
  
"Thanks," Charity whispers, rolling her eyes and putting the gloves on. Wiggling her fingers at her to show them of. "Bye," she says, walking away again.   
  
"Bye," Vanessa whispers when Charity turns around one last time. A little wave the last thing she sees before the bus doors close and Charity walks away in a cloud of white snow.   
  
Vanessa sighs, pressing her hands to her face. The heat she feels suggesting a bright red blush on her cheeks. That all familiar thought fighting its way to the surface again. Maybe she is, you know, gay or something. Maybe she does like women. Maybe she's known this for a while now. A sigh escapes her lips, head leaning against her seat and her hands in her hair. Her mind already busy pushing the thought to the background again, but it doesn't seem to work. Images of Charity popping up instead.   
  
She doesn't have her number though. Or any contact information really. The thought pops up suddenly, along with the urge to smack herself on the head for being so stupid to forget to ask.  
  
She only knows her name. What an idiot she is.


	2. She came, she thawed, she conquered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa is nervous for her exams, but something really fun is waiting for her afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that I write Charity way too soft, but it's Christmas (where I am) and it makes me happy :)  
> Also I treated myself by letting Charity wear a burgundy suit.
> 
> Hope everyone had a nice Christmas!

Vanessa shoves Rhona's hand from the table, breaking the unfamiliar rhythm her fingers are tapping on the binder. "Can you sit still for five seconds?" Her patience is wearing dangerously thin, her nerves making her progressively more anxious. Fretting over every last detail was the first step, thinking she forgot everything the second and imagining living as a herder on a secluded mountain range, because she's never going to succeed anyway, the last one. And now it's irritation, every minor disturbance too much. Just two more hours before the last exam of the year, a crucial one according to three e-mails the lecturer had send out, which only served to freak her out even more.   
  
"Calm down Vanessa. You'll pop a vein at this rate," Rhona says.   
  
Vanessa's face is hidden in her hands as a soft cough interrupts her sulking. She looks up to see Charity standing there, looking much brighter than two days ago. Her curls springy, brushing her cheeks when she bops up and down. She looks a bit uncomfortable, like she's intruding on a private moment. Or like she's not sure what they are to each other, Rhona and her.   
  
"Right. Rhona this is Charity. Charity, this is Rhona. My friend that I told you about." She had talked to Rhona about Charity for an hour, enduring many eyerolls and wide grins. Rhona had pushed her over on the sofa when she told her she regretted not asking for her phone number, because they could've become friends. "Friends?" Rhona had asked with her eyebrows raised and a glint in her eyes that suggested she thought otherwise.  
  
Vanessa had confided in Rhona one night, when she was looking at the bottom of an empty bottle of wine. Had told her about Julia with her long red hair and her white blouse tucked into her jeans. And how she couldn't stop staring at her in class, couldn't stop thinking about her after. And not in a 'let's be friends' kind of way. That was years ago now and Rhona had been kind and understanding and supportive. Like she expected Rhona would react really, but she still felt mortified the day after, remembering bits and pieces from their conversation the night before. But Rhona had reassured her again, sitting on her duvet with a glass of cold water and a paracetamol. Laughing about Vanessa's crush on Carol Vorderman, which she apparently gushed about as well.   
  
What a lousy drunk she was, spilling all her secrets and wallowing in her own sadness and confusion. Not as lousy as her mum though, when she's drunk. Attacking her with harsh words and tearing her down until the last bits of self-esteem lay like ashes around her. She was in a bad place back then. It's the familiar excuse she always makes for her mum, although she knows it's not the whole truth, not really. That it's not an excuse to just let her frustrations out on her daughter, trying to take her with her to the deep dark caverns in which her mind wandered around. That it doesn't explain why she still does it now. But it keeps the peace between them and works as a bandaid, covering the wound that her mum's absent parenting left behind.   
  
"How did you even find me?" Vanessa can't remember telling Charity about her exam and where it took place or anything about uni really.  
  
"I did some digging around. Asked some people." Charity is grinning and looking mighty proud of her sleuthing. "Thought I should bring them precious gloves back to you, which you so kindly provided in my time of need."   
  
Charity came back to find her. The thought flits through her head. She had given her the gloves as a gift, for her to keep. So this courteous display is clearly a ruse, an excuse to see her again. The thought makes her heart beat faster with possibilities and implications. It emboldens her to look Charity straight in the eyes and hold her hand up. "Can I have your phone?"   
  
Charity's eyes narrow, confusion painted on her face. "You wanna trade? For these yellow monstrosities that you gave me?" Charity is smiling now, clearly teasing and she holds out her phone, tapping it against her cheek. "Doesn't seem like a fair trade though babe."   
  
Vanessa takes the phone before she changes her mind again.   
  
"Or steal it," Charity mumbles.  
  
Vanessa scrunches her nose and shakes her head. "I just want to put my number in there." She stops typing to look at Charity. "If that's okay with you?"   
  
"That's fine with me buttercup," Charity laughs. "Not sure what you'd want with it, but have at it."   
  
She hands the phone back. Her hand touching Charity's for longer than is strictly necessary, an electric current sweeping through her when Charity's thumb brushes over hers.  
  
They say goodbye to each other and before Charity is even out of sight Vanessa's phone lights up.   
  
_Good luck with your exams buttercup. You'll do great._  
  


* * *

  
The green and red Christmas lights she'd hung around the mirror make her reflection look slightly spooky, but Vanessa is chuffed anyway. Her exams went well this morning, it's the holidays and to top it all off she is going on a date in exactly ten minutes. She had texted Charity straight after her exams, still high on adrenaline and had asked her out. She, Vanessa Woodfield, asked out a girl. A gorgeous woman, way out of her league, who she barely even knew. But it was Christmas and no one was magically going to go on a date with her if she was going to sit in her room all night and never took a chance. Seize the day and that sort of rubbish, it might work out in her favour this time. She has a good feeling about it at least.   
  
Charity had said yes within a minute, all caps and with multiple inappropriate emoji's. Vanessa did a little victory dance on her walk to the bus stop and the smile on her face wouldn't fade for the rest of the day. Until now, when it feels like all her nervousness decided to come out at once, making her doubt every aspect of her look and pointing out imaginary spots on her skin and lint on her dress. It was a dark blue one with long sleeves and a bit of lace. Her legs covered in tights against the cold and her cleavage on full display. It can't hurt to put in some effort and it's been a long time since she last wanted to.   
  
She smoothes her hands over her dress one last time, before a shrill buzz alerts her that someone is at her door. When she opens it she has to remind herself to close her mouth. Charity's long blonde hair is straightened and she tucks it behind her ear when she steps into Vanessa's room.  
  
Charity's eyes take in every part of her, before stepping past her and dropping down on the sofa. Her burgundy suit almost matching its colour. "It's not looking very Christmassy in here. You not in the Christmas spirit?"   
  
It isn't very Christmassy, especially for someone who loves the holiday so much. She's going home in a couple of days though, her mother hosting her annual Christmas dinner. Although there's not a lot of hosting going on, because it was just going to be the three of them. All her mum's friends had other plans, or at least pretended to.   
  
"I only hung up some lights," Vanessa says, sitting down on the opposite side of the sofa. "I'm going home for Christmas anyway, so there wasn't much point in turning this place into a Christmas advert."   
  
"Where we going tonight then?" Charity scooches closer to her and smiles innocently. "You just texted me your adress. Could've specified a bit, maybe I could've dressed for the occation."   
  
"You look perfect like this." Vanessa's answer comes too fast and Charity smiles at her eagerness. "I mean it's fine for what we're doing."  
  
"Don't take your compliments back on my account, babe." Charity twirls a strand of blonde hair around her fingers, looking straight into Vanessa's eyes. "I quite like getting my ego stroked. And you look gorgeous too by the way."   
  
Vanessa nudges Charity with her foot, a brightly coloured cotton Rudolph looking back at her. She tries to take her sock covered foot back, but Charity is already holding it, tracing her fingers over Rudolph's face. "You did decorate then? Just yourself apparently. Can I look forward to some mistletoe as well or did you leave that for later?"   
  
Vanessa blushes and stands up abruptly, holding her hands out for Charity to grab. "Lets see how this date goes first, then we can talk about snogging." She hands Charity her coat and puts on her black jacket, deciding the yellow one isn't really date night material.   
  
"Let's go Charity."  
  


* * *

  
Charity nudges the last bits of chocolate cake towards Vanessa. She had been eyeing it since Charity put her fork down, slightly regretting her own choice of dessert. The rich taste of chocolate making her feel all warm inside, more than she already did. Tonight had been great. Good company, delicious food and she hadn't laughed this much in ages. The waiter gave them some weird looks in the beginning, but she wasn't going to let it ruin her night. Instead choosing to be overly polite to him, which seemed to work. His sweaty head and lanky body hadn't interrupted them anymore.   
  
Charity leans forward and brushes some crumbs of her cheek Vanessa didn't know were there.   
  
"Am I a mess?" Vanessa asks. She tries to catch her reflection in her spoon, wiping her napkin around her mouth to be sure.  
  
Charity laughs at her, but it's softer than before, kinder. And she shakes her head gently. "Nah babe, you're fine. Brushed it all away."   
  
They keep talking, hushed words and whispered conversations. When Charity tries to imitate a Scottish couple a few tables away from them Vanessa nearly spits her drink out, tears streaming down her cheeks. When the couple looks back at them, they both divert their eyes, the table catching their attention all of a sudden. Their hands in the middle, nearly touching. Vanessa just has to move hers a couple of centimetres and she could touch Charity's. But before she can Charity moves hers over Vanessa's, softly stroking her knuckles with her thumb. Vanessa turns her hand around, their palmes touching now, fingers entwining. She looks into Charity's eyes, so green and so intense she thinks she could look at them for hours.   
  
She hadn't realised before that a date could be this fun, especially a first date. Thought it was supposed to be awkward and a bit uncomfortable. Just fine, but nothing to write home about. A universal experience of shared discomfort and nervousness. But nothing like this. Easy laughter and familiarity and this intense stirring in her stomach and fluttering of her heart.   
  
Charity tries to pay the bill, but Vanessa nabs it from her hands and pays instead. She asked Charity out on a date after all.   
  
They walk out the door. Vanessa's coat draped over her shoulders. Charity's fingers had lingered on her neck when she had swiped Vanessa's hair away, gently putting Vanessa's black jacket around her shoulders and looking very proud of herself.  
  
Vanessa had taken it off and put it on properly. A romantic gesture is cute, but freezing to death in the december cold is a little less cute.   
  
Charity holds her hand when they are walking the few blocks to the spot their taxi is supposed to pick them up, cheerful Christmas lights all around them, creating a magical atmosphere. Vanessa leans her head on Charity's shoulder, a white cloud forming in front of her when she takes a deep breath.   
  
The taxi isn't there yet and they have to wait, leaning against each other, Charity's arm around Vanessa's shoulders now.   
  
It's fairly busy where they are standing, people walking their dogs, couples coming back from dinner and smartly dressed people returning from work.   
  
Charity steps away and Vanessa instantly misses her warmth. But Charity drags her with her around the corner to a narrow alleyway, untouched by all the lights on the main street. Vanessa is pressed against the wall, the sharp edges of the brick poking in her back and Charity's warm and soft body against her front. They look into each other's eyes for a second, before Charity moves in. The softest press of lips sets an army of butterflies loose in her stomach, like fireworks, a gentle sparkler emitting coloured sparks in rainbow hues. When Charity opens her mouth and her tongue brushes over Vanessa's bottom lip a whole fireworks display is set alight. Vanessa's hands are around Charity's back, pulling Charity impossibly closer.   
  
Charity's hands are curled around her jaw, fingertips softly pressing in her neck. Charity hums when Vanessa opens her mouth too and Vanessa can't remember ever feeling this much at once. Her body tingling with excitement and her hands grasping for more contact.   
  
Charity leans back, but presses her forehead against Vanessa's. A gentle smile on her lips as they stare into each other's eyes.   
  
A loud honk pops their little bubble and Charity turns around and takes a few steps back, beckoning Vanessa over to her.   
  
They step into the taxi and Vanessa is smiling. The softness of Charity's hand and how it fits perfectly in hers already addictive. They sit close together, bodies touching from shoulder to feet. And they kiss until their driver coughs, Vanessa's eyes meeting his in the rear view mirror. She averts her eyes quickly, head leaning on Charity's shoulder again, their hands interlocked on Charity's lap.   
  
It's almost too good to be true, Vanessa thinks, closing her eyes for a second. Her phone buzzes in her bag and she takes it out.   
  
_How was your big date???_  
  
It's Rhona of course, nosy cow. She smiles.  
  
_Amazing!_


	3. We have great chemis-tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the Christmas party and Vanessa throws out a last minute invite.

The same car passes them for the fifth time, while they are slowly rolling to a halt, stuck in an endless parade of lights. They weren't the only ones doing some Christmas shopping in town today apparently. They've already been stuck in traffic for over half an hour now and the fuel light has been on for about the same amount of time. Vanessa's suggestion to get some fuel at the next stop had been mocked quite a bit the past half hour. Paddy brought it up multiple times, an _I told you so_ not articulated but very much implied.   
  
"Look at that," Paddy says from his spot on the back seat, pointing at a van cruising past them in the opposite direction. It looks like it was originally white, but there are all sorts of Christmas themed profanities spray painted on it now. He laughs nervously when no one responds, patting Vanessa's back and leaning forward into the space between her and Rhona. "Excited for tonight yet?" He looks at them both hopefully.  
  
"I suppose." Rhona changes the radio station when _All I Want For Christmas_ comes on for the third time this hour and turns to Paddy. "Have you asked Lauren to come yet?"   
  
Paddy starts mumbling, his face turning beet red and Rhona grins at Vanessa, a knowing look exchanged between the two of them. "Let's change the subject," Vanessa throws in, putting Paddy out of his misery. She flickers her head lights a couple of times when a car nearly hits them trying to overtake her car. Her patience is wearing dangerously thin and she has to muster every last inch of self-control not to honk and flip him off. "Any exciting Christmas plans I can vicariously live through?" she asks instead.  
  
"Never mind our Christmas plans," Rhona says. "What about your date yesterday young lady? Care to spill any more details, 'cause you were quite vague when I texted you."   
  
"Charity Dingle, what kind of name is that anyway." Paddy throws a look her way that she can only describe as smug. It looks strange on his face, but she supposes he's happy not being the one who is being grilled about his dating life for once. Vanessa knows Paddy has a crush on Rhona, it's quite obvious if you're paying attention. But apparently Rhona isn't paying attention, trying to set him up with Lauren Parker with all her might, egging him on to make a move.   
  
Vanessa tries to look annoyed, because Paddy isn't supposed to know she went on a date, let alone with a woman. She hadn't really told many people about that part of herself. The part that always had crushes on women instead of men, the part that thought that the excitement she felt when her favourite teacher walked in was just admiration for a strong woman instead of the crush it clearly was in hindsight. The part that asked a woman on a date because she wanted to.  
  
But Rhona and Paddy are supportive, always have been. And she shouldn't be mad at people who are on her side. She rolls her eyes at Rhona, tapping the steering wheel and trying to stop herself from smiling. "It was great actually. Like I said."   
  
Rhona looks expectantly. "And...?"  
  
"And what?"  
  
"And are you going to see her again?"  
  
Vanessa shrugs. "I think so. We haven't really made any plans and -"  
  
"But you'd like to?" Rhona interrupts. Nodding her head and getting Paddy to nod along with her. "You should ask her to come to the party tonight." Paddy nudges her shoulder as he says it.   
  
Vanessa pushes down on the accelerator when the traffic jam dissolves all of a sudden. It's strange how that always happens. One minute it's there and the next it isn't. Like her courage really. Because asking Charity to come to some lame uni party doesn't sound all that appealing. "Yes I'd like to, but I'm sure she's busy already, I mean it's pretty last minute. And she probably wouldn't like it anyway. I mean it seems a bit desperate right? So soon after our date and -"  
  
"Stop rambling, you sound like Paddy." Rhona holds her hands up and looks at Paddy. "No offence." Paddy shrugs, pushing at Rhona's shoulder in fake annoyance. His cheeks turning bright red immediately before he looks away and tries to hide it.   
  
"You want her to come, so just ask her." Rhona turns around leaning over the armrest and grabbing for something. "There it is," she says, Vanessa's bag in her hands and her phone already dug up from the bottom of it. "Let's play Cupids shall we." She leans away from Vanessa's flailing arms, who is trying to slap the phone out of her hands, nearly hitting her in the face in the process.   
  
"Rhona!" Vanessa shouts, scowling at Rhona for all she's worth.   
  
"Eyes on the road please," Paddy says, tapping her shoulders, a nervous look in his eyes. "No point in us all dying. There's definitely not going to be a second date then."   
  
"Oh my god she already responded."   
  
Vanessa tries to assess Rhona's face, but it isn't really giving anything away. "So?" she asks. "What did she say?"  
  
"Well, ehm. She says to have fun and that it's not really her scene. Oh, but she wants to do something together another time." Rhone looks up at Vanessa. "That's something at least right?"   
  
"Right," Vanessa says, stepping on the accelerator, eyes focussed on the road. "Something."  
  


* * *

  
She necked too much already, can feel it in her stumbling legs and throbbing head. The pre-party drinks hadn't really cheered her up like she had hoped they would. Turns out whiskey isn't such a miracle potion after all.   
  
She's sat grumbling on the sofa in the corner, long abandoned by Rhona and Paddy. Rhona is talking to some snobby guy who she's seen in lectures a couple of times in the beginning of the year, but who hasn't shown his face much since. And Paddy is in the middle of the improvised dance floor, flailing about, or dancing if you want to be generous. He's looking at Rhona every few minutes though. Normally Paddy is as subtle as a brick to the face, but with Rhona he seems to take the exact opposite approach. And she's obviously clueless to Paddy's interest in her.   
  
It isn't as fun as she'd hoped it would be. Not that she's opposed to partying, at least her status as party girl suggests she isn't. Though that's more of a mask really. If she drinks enough and parties enough, maybe she'll forget what she has burried deep inside of herself. All her secrets and insecurities hidden away and no one seems to notice or want to look any deeper than what she presents on the surface.   
  
Vanessa sighs, taking a swig from the beer Rhona handed her an hour ago, wincing when it's lukewarm.   
  
"Vanessa?"  
  
She turns around, her intstincts telling her to run home as fast as she can when she sees it's Lewis Jones. He has been trying to get her attention for months and she couldn't have made it any clearer she wasn't interested, apart from punching him in the face or hurling abuse at him.   
  
"You look like you could use some company," he says, not waiting for a confirmation before sitting down next to her. Just a bit too close for comfort.   
  
"I'm just fine on my own, thank you Lewis." She shifts away from him, but he moves with her, touching her arm. The touch lingering uncomfortably.   
  
"I reckon I can make you smile before the night is over." He laughs, a smug look on his face as he takes Vanessa's beer out of her hand and takes a sip, barely keeping his face from crumpling in disgust and putting it down on the table to recompose himself.  
  
The prospect of having to spend the rest of the night in his lousy company makes her rethink her running home idea. Just when she's about to excuse herself, someone plumps down between her and Lewis, blonde hair slamming in her face and an arm is thrown around her middle.   
  
"Hey babe," Charity says, pressing a kiss to her cheek and looking at Lewis. "Thanks for keeping this seat warm for me, but you can go now." Lewis looks like he wants to argue, but when Charity leans closer to Vanessa and keeps scowling at him he walks off.   
  
"You two-timing me babe?" Charity is laughing, her nose scrunched up and her eyes gleaming. Vanessa would find it all really adorable if she wasn't absolutely gobsmacked that Charity came in the first place.   
  
"What are you wearing?" Charity's voice brings her back to the moment. Vanessa looks down because she can't remember, still a bit dazed from Charity's sudden appearance.   
  
"It's my Christmas jumper." One of several she bought when she went shopping with Rhona and Paddy. This one features a snowman with a tophat and a rainbow-coloured scarf. It felt like a little personal victory when she had bought that one, like the rainbow scarf actually meant more than just some festive knitwear.   
  
"No matter how horrendous it might be," Charity starts, invoking a look of mock offence on Vanessa's face. "It actually looks quite cute on you."   
  
Vanessa looks at Charity then. In black jeans and a black shirt she doesn't really look very festive. Beautiful certainly, but her lack of crazy colour combinations and knitted snowmen or reindeer do make her stand out a bit. But she's just glad Charity came. She could be wearing a bin bag for all she cared. And she would still be the most beautiful person in the room.   
  
"What made you decide to come?" Vanessa needed to know the answer all of a sudden. Wanted her to tell her the truth, or at least something close to it, not a flippant comment or sarcastic quip. She hadn't expected Charity to show up. Her brain convincing her that Charity's lack of interest in the party invite meant she wasn't interested in her at all. But here she is, sitting next to her on the sofa, turning a lame Christmas party into something much better.  
  
"Had nothing better to do," Charity shrugs, laughing when she sees Vanessa saw through that excuse immediately. "Fine, I fancied seeing you again." She pauses, looking Vanessa up and down. "In a gorgeous skin-tight frock preferably. But I guess I have to settle for this Christmas ensemble for today."  
  
Charity stands up. "Right. Drink?"   
  
"Yes please," Vanessa answers. This thing is going to be much more fun than she thought.   
  


* * *

  
"Come dance with me." Vanessa curtsies, nearly bowling over in the process. She stretches her hand out for Charity to grap and leans against her to stay upright. "That didn't go as planned," she murmers under her breath, going for a simple bow this time.   
  
"I don't think so babe," Charity says, depositing her drink on a nearby table to have both her hands free if Vanessa decides to try to bow again.   
  
"Oh come on. I'm a great dancer you know." Vanessa looks at Charity with big eyes and pouting lips, trying to tug on Charity's hands to get her to come with her. She shows off some of her dance moves, but Charity grabs her hips as if she thought Vanessa was falling instead of dancing. "Please, it would be fun," Vanessa tries again. "No one knows you here, so it's not even embarassing if you can't dance."  
  
"I'm an excellent dancer." Charity's eyesbrows are raised and she walks Vanessa towards the makeshift dancefloor, hands still on her hips.   
  
"Wait," Vanessa exclaims suddenly. She runs over to the corner of the room and janks some silver tinsel from the Christmas tree. The silver foil tickles in Charity's neck when Vanessa drapes it around her shoulders, pulling Charity towards her and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Now you're ready," Vanessa whispers, a dopey smile on her lips.  
  
"Ready for what?" Charity asks, before Vanessa starts dancing, distracting her wholly. Her flailing arms nearly hit Charity in the face, in what looks like some sort of helicopter immitation. Limbs flying everywhere and her body arrhythmically bopping along. Charity takes Vanessa's arms and folds them around her shoulders, placing her own on Vanessa's back. Divine intervention makes the upbeat song change to a slow version of _Rockin around the Christmas Tree_ and they start swaying to the music.   
  
Vanessa can see Rhona and Paddy gawping at them, but she couldn't care less. She turns her head, pressing her nose in Charity's hair and closing her eyes. It's just the two of them here for all she cares. And their bodies pressed together, Charity's hands on her lower back, the faint smell of cigarettes poorly masked by her perfume.   
  
Charity stays close to Vanessa for the rest of the night, dancing, talking, laughing. Teasing Paddy about his obvious crush on Rhona until his face matches his red Christmas jumper. It's fun and the night seems like an endless stretch of eggnog, twinkling lights and stolen glances. At the end of it Vanessa feels warm with happiness and the buzz of alcohol.   
  
She only vaguely remembers how she got home. Charity's hand warm in hers the whole time. Leading her in the right direction. Wrapping the duvet around her all warm and snuggly. She remembers Charity brushing the hair from her forehead and pressing the softest kiss there. Whispering something sweet or just a goodbye, her voice a warm caress against her skin. She remembers the front door being closed, barely audible, and the widest smile stretching her cheeks before she succumbed to sleep, still smiling. 


	4. Up to snow good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity's company turns out to be a pretty good hangover cure.

It felt like an army of elephants was jumping around in her room, the thump of theirheavy feet touching the floor banging through her head. Vanessa carefully opened an eye and shut it again fast. A ray of sun pierced in her eye through the opened curtains and somehow made her headache even worse. She twists and turns, trying to find a position in which she doesn't feel like someone ripped her head off and had sewn it back on poorly. She settles on her side eventually, curled up in a ball with her head under the covers to keep out the noise. The sounds of birds chirping and cars passing by is somehow amplified tenfold this morning and it just makes her want to curl up even further and die.   
  
Her second attempt at opening her eyes goes a bit better. She slowly turns on her back. Her stomach threatening to spill over with any sudden movement. A smile creeps on her face though, fighting it's way through her cloudy mind along with some memories from last night. The sound of her alarm interrupts the moment and she nearly smashes her phone to the ground when it doesn't turn off immediately. Why on earth did she set an alarm, she wonders, before she realises it's the day before Christmas and she's supposed to go home today. To her lovely mother who will complain non-stop and point out everything that's wrong with her. And why doesn't she have a boyfriend yet and couldn't her grades be a bit higher and good gracious why does she look so tired. Doesn't she take care of herself?   
  
When she manages to put her phone back on her bedside table she notices a packet of aspirin and a glass of water. She takes a small sip, but it's lukewarm and she nearly spits it out in response. The whole thing almost enough to make her keel over, but she steadies herself in time. Her deadgrip on the bed frame is turning her knuckles white, before she sees a note next to the glass.  
  
 _Merry Christmas_  
  
 _xx C_  
  
Charity left her a note. The memory of Charity walking her home is still there, but she doesn't remember changing into her pyjama's or Charity putting a glass of water next to her bed.   
  
Charity is full of contradictions. Sarcastic and hard, like she only really cares about herself. But also kind and caring and funny and with such a big heart, Vanessa suspects she'd do anything for you if you just asked. Both sides of her co-existing at the same time, in the same moment, her duality fascinating and ordinary as well. It's just what makes up a person after all, the good and the bad existing together. Charity just chooses to show both sides to the world, although Vanessa suspects her kind side might be more for special occasions. For people Charity feels comfortable with.   
  
Rhona storms in, the door slamming to the wall with such a force that it's a miracle it stays in its hinges. Rhona winces, a whispered sorry barely reaching Vanessa's ears as she lays back down.   
  
"Vanessa Woodfield, what on earth have you done in that bathroom? It smells vile, like sick -"  
  
"Well there is your anwer then. I guess I threw up last night. I mean I don't really remember, but judging by the taste in my mouth it seems very plausible."   
  
The mattress dips down on her left and Rhona's hand brushes some hair out of her face. "Looks like you had a lot of fun last night."It sounds a bit judgy, but Vanessa is feeling awful, so she doesn't bother adressing it further.   
  
"I did," Vanessa mumbles, her eyes lingering on Rhona, who looks more concerned than anything.   
  
"Ness, you know I love you."  
  
"But?" Vanessa raises her eyebrows when Rhona doesn't start talking.  
  
Rhona sighs, looking away to make up her mind on what it is she wants to say. "But she's trouble, Charity is. I've heard some people talking about her, at that party. and she's not who you think she is." She puts her hand on Vanessa's shoulder, but Vanessa shrugs it off. "I only tell you 'cause I care about you. You know that right?"  
  
"Right." Vanessa's smile doesn't reach her eyes and she sits up slightly to be at eye-level with Rhona. "I like her Rhona, and you can't just come in here with vague accusations or whatever this is. I was happier when she walked into that room. I was alone there before she showed up and feeling miserable and when she was there it was like..." Vanessa sighs, closing her eyes and pressing her hand against her forehead. "Like my heart started beating faster." She looks up at Rhona, who nods reluctantly.   
  
"I suppose that's all that matters then," she says, before she stands up. "I just came in here to say Merry Christmas actually. I'm going home, got my backs packed and I left the shoes I borrowed yesterday just outside your door." Rhona presses a kiss to her forehead, on the same spot where Charity kissed her just last night. "Love you," Rhona says, before turning around and closing the door behind her.  
  


* * *

  
Vanessa is sitting on her suitcase, trying to zip it closed. The presents she bought for her mother and stepfather taking up more space than she expected. The headache had retreated for the most part. An aspirin and some more sleep did the trick. Charity's note had been on her mind a lot. She had typed out a response on her phone, but deleted it before sending. It was poor timing that she had to leave now, just after getting to know Charity better. She would probably stay with her mum until after New Year's. A little guilt-trip goes a long way and she hadn't been home much over the last couple of months. And it wasn't like it was awful there. She looked forward to seeing her grandfather and catching up with some friends, but spending that much time with her mum and especially her stepdad makes her dread the whole thing if she's being honest.  
  
When the last corner of the suitcase is zipped up she drops down to her bed and grabs her buzzing phone. It's a text from her mother.  
  
 _Dear Vanessa,_  
  
 _My Geoff surprised me with a little trip to Spain for the holidays. We are leaving tonight and will not be returning until after New Year's Day. I hope you use this extra time well, to prepare for your next semester. Happy Christmas dear._  
  
 _Kisses,_  
  
 _mum_  
  
Vanessa drops her phone on her duvet and stares at the ceiling. Her own mother doesn't even want to spend Christmas with her, choosing her stepdad over her, again. And cancelling on the day she knew Vanessa was coming home is a bit cold, even for her. Tears sting her eyes and she brushes them away with her sleeves. She wasn't even looking forward to it, had moaned about it to Rhona and Paddy for weeks and now she was upset. And it's not like it's that much of a surprise really, her birthday had gone unnoticed as well, a 'little trip' to Italy the cause that time. She is an adult and she can handle it, but it still hurts that her mum doesn't care about spending Christmas together. That ever since she moved to uni her mum had decided her job was done and Vanessa can fend for herself.   
  
Her phone pings again and a smile fights its way on her face when she sees it's a message from Charity this time, asking her how her hangover is treating her. It's crazy how one text can cheer her up, how she wishes Charity was here right now, doing or saying something ridiculous to make her smile. She starts to type a response.  
  
 _A bit better now thanks. The paracetamol and a glass of warm water worked miracles. And that little note helped too._  
  
Should she even be bringing up the note at all? Maybe it freaks Charity out or maybe she regrets leaving it there or maybe it wasn't even Charity and someone else whose name starts with a C wrote it.   
  
Vanessa presses send before she can think any longer about it and immediately regrets it. She tries to delete the message before Charity sees it, but the blue checkmarks show her that it's too late.   
  
_I have no idea what you mean Ness. I don't remember leaving a note, must have been an extremely kind burgler or Rhona having you on ;)_  
  
There is a wink emoji in the end and Vanessa can picture Charity clear as day, smirking and throwing that irresistable wink her way. It's kind of infuriating how smooth Charity can be, how captivating, hijaking her brain and holding it hostage. Not that it's unwanted, thinking about her isn't a bad way to spend your day. But it does mess with her brain more than she'd like and Vanessa can't wait to get a decent night's sleep.  
  
 _Can you come over?_  
  
Vanessa throws her phone away before Charity can respond, as if the rejection is going to hurt less if she reads it later. With her mind prepared for it and her heart already torn to pieces by her own imagination. Curiosity wins out though and she peeks at her phone, holding it as far away as possible to keep the pain at a distance.   
  
_All about last minute invitations you are.  
  
_ _On my way xx_  
  
Her heart skips a beat, mending itself on the spot and beating faster to prove its new found strength.   
  
Charity is coming over.  
  


* * *

  
The knock on the door comes sooner than expected. She had changed out of her pyjamas already, opting for a simple checkered blouse and black jeans, but her hair is still a mess. The messy bun she had put it in this morning truely honouring its name with strands of hair sticking out of it on all sides.   
  
Charity knocks again, louder this time and Vanessa runs to open the door. Charity's smiling face is awaiting her on the other side before she steps into the cramped hallway and turns around, pushing Vanessa against the closed door.  
  
"Desperate to see me babe." It sounds more like a statement than a question with Charity's signature smirk, her hands curling around Vanessa's jaw and her body pressed against Vanessa's. She kisses Vanessa hard, almost frantically and it takes Vanessa a few seconds to catch up. Her hands sinking in Charity's hair, a moan escaping her when Charity bites on her bottom lip.   
  
"I wouldn't say desperate," Vanessa says between kisses, her hips jerking forward of their own volition.   
  
"Oh shut up." Charity murmers, nearly out of breath and unwilling to spend the last bits of it on talking. It's glorious this. Charity's excitement, the want fibriting through her, making her hands wander over Vanessa's body and her lips ravage her neck. But it's not why she asked Charity around, not just that at least. Her company seemed like a Christmas present to herself, soothing the bruises from her mother's rejection.  
  
Charity wraps her hands around Vanessa's bum and lifts her up. She folds her legs around Charity's middle and lets herself be carried to the sofa. Where Charity drops her carefully and throws her leg over Vanessa immedaitely, sitting down in her lap and moving her lips over Vanessa's jaw.   
  
Charity thinks this is a booty call. The thought pops up suddenly and it swirls around in her brain, getting the upper hand just when Charity starts unbuttoning Vanessa's blouse. She wraps her hands around Charity's wrists, slowly pushing her hands away, but maintaining contact. She doesn't want Charity to think she's being rejected, because Vanessa knows how that feels and it's not where she wants this day to go.   
  
Charity's eyes look shrouded in mist, like she's thrown up her walls or she's thinking about something else. "Charity," Vanessa whispers, guiding Charity's hands around her back and folding herself against Charity in a tight hug. It takes a few seconds before Charity tightens her grip and hugs her back, her body still tenser than before. "I want to give you something." She pushes at Charity carefully and Charity sits down next to her with a huff.   
  
Vanessa searches through her suitcase, the gold stars on a red background catching her attention. A bright silver string around it and all, her mother would've approved. She had made the present for her originally, hadn't expected her to appreciate it . Anything below expensive jewelry was going to be regifted anyway. It'll suit Charity better, she thinks, not that Charity will ever admit that.  
  
The present hits Charity right in the chest when she throws it and Vanessa is barely able to contain her laughter at the offended expression on Charity's face. "It's for you," Vanessa says, before she sits down next to Charity again and taps her index finger against the present. "There's more than just paper you know. You can unwrap it."  
  
Charity rolls her eyes at her, but starts unwrapping anyway. Or rather she tears the paper off in one swift move and throws a confused look at Vanessa when she sees that her gift is bright yellow knitwear.  
  
"They're gloves," Vanessa says, holding her hands up.   
  
"Yes smartass, I know what they are."  
  
"I knitted them and I know the colour suits you, 'cause you've worn something similar before." Vanessa tries to gauge Charity's reaction, but thinks better of it and goes to make a brew instead. The living room of herappartment is quite spacious and with windows on two sides it's also light, even with the dark clouds threatening to thicken the blanket of snow outside. They live there with the three of them. Her, Rhona and Jessica, a friend from Rhona since they were little. All three of them studying veterinary medicine.   
  
She returns with two cups of tea and hands one to Charity, who is sitting in the corner of the sofa, legs curled under her. Vanessa drops down on the opposite side and they silently drink their brew for a couple of minutes. The only sounds their breathing and the whirring of the fridge.   
  
"So," Charity starts. "I thought you were going home today. Family Christmas celebrations and all that."   
  
"That was the plan"  
  
"But?"  
  
"But," Vanessa says. But how do you explain over twenty years of emotional neglect and uncomfortable tensions. It's not like it's the end of the world, she had a home, food on the table and an opportunity to study what she was passionate about. She didn't know much about Charity or her past, but they had talked a bit and she heard some from others. Not a very reliable source to be fair, but combined, she knew there was some truth to it. Charity hadn't had it easy, although she had a small appartment now and a job at a pub in town. Vanessa didn't want to hark on about her own past, when Charity's had been way worse. Charity's eyes are kind now though, soft even, waiting for Vanessa to finish her thought.   
  
"But she cancelled on me this morning. I mean who can blame her really, Spain is a much better prospect than the bleak december cold with a daughter you haven't seen in months."  
  
The next sip of tea tastes sour in her mouth all of a sudden and she winces when she swallows it. Charity's outstretched leg now prodding at her knee, taking her out of her head. "Sorry," Vanessa whispers, but the acidic taste spreads and it seems like a mistake that she texted Charity earlier. That she's sitting on her sofa right now and all Vanessa can do is be a right Grinch and spread her lack of Christmas cheer.   
  
"Sorry," Vanessa says again when Charity keeps looking at her, because it's all she can think to say.  
  
"Stop apologizing for your mum being a right cow and come here."  
  
Vanessa moves her head in Charity's lap facing away from her. Charity's hand is soft when she rakes her fingers through Vanessa's hair and it takes all her self-control not to burst into tears. The comfort a warm blanket and it's tempting to just let go a little, but years of bottled up emotions tell her not to. Vanessa closes her eyes and feels some of the tension escape in a long sigh, her fingers curled around Charity's knee as she leans further into her touch.  
  
"Christmas isn't all it's propped up to be when you're spending it alone," Charity says, twisting strands of Vanessa's hair around her finger and letting them spring back.   
  
"You alone on Christmas too?" Vanessa tries, turning around so she's facing Charity.   
  
Charity nods and tucks Vanessa's hair behind her ear. Looking away when they make eye contact. "It kinda sucks being second choice on Christmas."  
  
It seems like a flippant comment and it could be about Vanessa and her mum, but something tells Vanessa that it's also a dig at all the last minute invites she has been throwing around at Charity. She doesn't know what to say to that though, whether to deny it or soothe it with kindness instead.   
  
Vanessa's hand moves to Charity's side, her thumb brushing her hip, waiting for Charity to make eye contact and smiling when she does. "I would love to spend Christmas with you," she whispers.   
  
Charity rolls her eyes, but she's clearly fighting off a smile. "Fine," she says grumpily, And Vanessa can't help but turn her head and press a kiss to the rough denim covering Charity's thigh.   
  
When she looks up again Charity is smiling. 


	5. Hold on for deer life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Day and Charity and Vanessa are spending it together. Getting a tree and decorating the appartment and the whole shebang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is quite angsty, so I'm sorry for that.

Thin rays of sunshine tickle at her nose and prod at her eyelids, spreading the slightest hint of warmth across her bare shoulders. It looks like a perfect day, the roofs are covered in a thick layer of snow, which fell down from dark clouds on seemingly endless grey days. But today the sky is bright and blue and the sun makes it all feel very cosy. Like she could lie in this bed until the sun disappears again. It almost seems like fate dealing her a great hand at Christmas, if she believed in such a thing.   
  
Vanessa is pulled back against Charity's warm body and she adjusts her own so they fit snuggly together. She can feel Charity's steady heartbeat almost lulling her back to sleep again. But she can't dream up anything more perfect than this, so she opens her eyes again and turns to look at Charity instead. Her hair wild, untamed, like they were last night. Her bare shoulder peeking out above the duvet, too tempting not to touch. There is a softness that was never there when she was with a man and she always wondered whether she was supposed to like their scruffy beards and rough hands. The realisation hit her hard last night, when they were lying here together, a soft hand stroking her back and her own around Charity's middle. There is nothing wrong with her. She had just been looking in the wrong places and for the wrong people. What a Christmas present to herself, to find out such a thing, to realise, to let go of whatever held her back before.   
  
"Creepy," Charity croaks, the sunlight caressing her cheek before Vanessa's hand follows it. They hadn't bothered to close the curtains last night, too wrapped up in each other after hours of kissing on the sofa. Their hands wandering and taking off clothes on their way to Vanessa's bedroom. Bumping against chairs and tables and walls, refusing to part for longer than a few seconds to find their way upstairs properly.   
  
"I wasn't staring," Vanessa explains. But she was and they both know it. "For long," she adds and Charity's laugh gives her goosebumps then, warming her up more than the sunlight ever could.   
  
"I don't mind." Charity's body is warm when she folds herself against it, her lips soft on her own. And some part of her is almost expecting there to be a bow around her, neatly tied with wavy strings and covered in glitter. Because nothing this beautiful and wonderful can be in her bed on Christmas Day by accident. And stays around to turn a day she dreaded into something she is already treasuring.   
  
"So what are our plans for today?" Vanessa asks, because they hadn't taken any time to talk about it yesterday. "I thought we could get a tree and decorate a bit. Make it more Christmassy in here. And we can try to cook something from the scraps in my fridge. I can be quite a good cook actually, if your standards aren't too high."  
  
"Sounds like a plan, but I have some plans of my own." Charity turns her on her back quickly and moves on top of her in one swift move. Moving her hair over one shoulder to keep it out of her way.  
  
Her mother did her a favour really, Vanessa thinks. In her own weird, selfish way. Because this is already way better than the stiff, awkward tension that hangs around at home. Where accusing questions fill the silence and kisses into thin air count as affection.  
  
Because here is someone who actually seems to like her. Who doesn't try to mold her into something she isn't. Someone whose strong arms fit around her perfectly, making her feel safe, despite the novelty of it all. Her breath now warm against Vanessa's neck as she slowly moves up over her jaw and towards her lips, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Charity's leg is between her own, providing the barest hint of pressure and all Vanessa can do is hold onto her. There is a foot hooked around an ankle, a hand splayed out on a back, breasts pressing together.  
  
"Great plan," Vanessa manages to say before she's too wrapped up in Charity to even think a coherent sentence, let alone speak it. A fantastic plan indeed.   
  


* * *

  
Turns out it's quite difficult to find a place that sells trees on Christmas Day. A quick internet search shows them that there are in fact no places at all that are open today. But once she has decided on something, it's impossible to get it out of her head. Stubborn as a mule, her mum used to say when she was little, before she just called her difficult or annoying or a pain in the arse.   
  
But she is, stubborn that is. That's why they are standing on the edge of the forest, their bikes locked. The one Charity used dropped in the snow when she decided the lock was purposely working against her.   
  
They are wrapped in multiple layers. Vanessa's thick yellow coat a bit too small for Charity, but working its magic anyway, judging by the red blush on Charity's cheeks.   
  
"Remind me why we need to have a tree this bad?" Charity catches up with her, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else than in a freezing cold forest with snow up to her ankles.  
  
"Because we do," Vanessa says, but Charity doesn't seem convinced. "It wouldn't be Christmas without one. And it's fun, decorating it and -"  
  
Something cold hits her cheeks, the snow sliding down under her coat and in her neck. A shriek escapes her lips and she turns around to see Charity ready to through a second snowball.   
  
"Don't you dare," Vanessa says, the snowball hitting her in the face before she finishes the sentence. There are bits of snow in her mouth and specks of white in her hair. She tries to form one for herself, but a third one hits her on her back before she can even form the snow into a decent shape. Two hands grab her hips and push her in the thick layer of snow on the side of the path.   
  
It's cold against her jeans, prickling at her legs. Vanessa tries to look grumpy, eyebrows knitted together and an angry pout on her lips, but Charity's triumphant face makes it hard to be mad. She holds her hands out to be hoisted up, pulling at the last second to make Charity fall over too, face first into the snow.   
  
"You cheeky -"   
  
But Vanessa shuts her up with a kiss and the scowl on Charity's face recedes. Charity dusts the snowflakes out of Vanessa's hair, using herself as counterweight to get Vanessa up, before she is pulled up herself.   
  
Vanessa can feel the cold radiating of Charity's fingertips, creeping through two layers of whool and she holds onto her hand while they walk through the forest. Looking for a tree that meets Vanessa's standards. Tall enough to not look like a houseplant, but not so large that they can't get it back to the appartment. She had already rejected a couple that were either too bald, too droopy or just didn't feel right. Charity rolled her eyes at that last one, making some comment about a spoiled princess that Vanessa chose to ignore.   
  
A tug on her arm makes her turn around and Charity drags her towards a tree. Her body careful and kind, but her eyes suggest she might kill her if she doesn't choose this one.   
  
The tree just reaches her hip and there is a light dusting of snow on the needles. They feel softer than the ones she used to have at home when she was little, not so prickly.   
  
Charity tugs on her arm again. "So? Is it to her majesty's liking?"  
  
"She loves it," Vanessa says, letting go of Charity's hand to look at the tree up close. "How are we gonna get it out?" She looks at Charity with wide eyes, ready to kick her own butt for forgetting to bring a saw or a shovel. Not that they have one, now she thinks about it. She really should have thought it through a bit better before dragging Charity along with her to a forest miles out of town.   
  
"Lets just go back and decorate that tiny cactus standing in your window frame. It has needles and all." Charity starts walking backwards, beckoning Vanessa to come with her. But Vanessa stays put, bending down to see if the ground is too hard to dig into, scooping hands full of dirt and snow away when she sees it isn't.   
  
Charity walks back towards Vanessa slowly, clearly reluctant to plant her knees in the cold snow and her hands in the dirt. She folds her arm around Vanessa's shoulders instead, kissing her neck, two, three times and pressing her face against Vanessa's. Their cheeks touching. "You are crazy, babe," she says, but she presses a quick kiss to Vanessa's cheek to show she's just joking. "Truly crazy."  
  


* * *

  
Charity is sitting on the sofa, hands wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate and her hair up in a messy bun. They had decorated the house already. Mostly Vanessa to be fair, Charity was more of a glorious distraction. Hanging up mistletoe wherever she thought Vanessa would go next, sighing whenever Vanessa didn't go where she was supposed to. Eventually tying one on Vanessa's head. Her kiss highly distracting until all Vanessa could think of was Charity, her hands on Vanessa's hips, brushing her thumb over the bare skin she found under her jumper.   
  
Vanessa had hung up all the lights she could find and she had put tinsel and red and silver baubles on the tree. It had been quite a hassle getting it out of the ground and dragging it to their bikes. Putting the clump of roots and earth on the rack and holding onto the branches while trying not to fall over had been a real challenge. And Charity had laughed every time she cursed under her breath when the tree fell off or hit her in the face.   
  
But she's quite pleased with herself now. The tree looks great. Festive and colourful. Cosying up the room like she hoped it would. Charity had decorated the cactus instead, to prove her own point. Putting bits of tinsel in and hanging two baubles around it. Vanessa had refused to say it was just as good as the tree, because it obviously wasn't. But Charity had just grabbed her mistletoe and kissed her until she wasn't so sure anymore.   
  
Vanessa's own hot chocolate is waiting for her on the coffee table while she tries to put her Christmas playlist on. When Jingle Bells starts playing she dances towards Charity, sitting down between Charity's legs and leaning back against her chest. "You feeling the Christmas spirit already?" Vanessa asks. "I don't think we could've decorated more if we wanted to."   
  
Charity puts her mug on the table. Her hands warm on Vanessa's stomach, drawing nonsensical patterns over her jumper. "I'm normally more of a grinch to be fair, but today is nice. Like Christmas threw up all over us."  
  
"That doesn't sound really nice," Vanessa says. She wonders if Charity ever had a cosy family Christmas like she had the first few years of her life. All cosied up on the sofa, presents under the tree, a family Christmas dinner. That sort of thing. Because this isn't like that at all, but Charity seems to enjoy it nonetheless. And Vanessa does too. There is a tree, the whole appartment is decorated and there's mistletoe on every available surface. What's not to like?   
  
"Still cold?" Vanessa asks, when she feels a shiver run through Charity's body as she traces the goosebumps on Charity's arms.  
  
"Freezing my bits off. I think my feet are dead already, because I can't feel them at all." Charity's body tenses when the song changes to Last Christmas, herhands quiet against Vanessa's thighs. She shakes it off just as fast, leaning in to whisper softly in Vanessa's ear. "You are a rubbish blanket by the way. No heat coming off you at all."  
  
"Oi," Vanessa says, swatting Charity's hands away and leaning her head against her shoulder. Charity's head turns quickly to press a kiss against her cheek before her hands land on Vanessa's hips.   
  
"Just kidding."  
  
"I'm sure you are." Vanessa rolls her eyes, but she can't even pretend she's cross when she's all snuggled up and happy. "You should take a shower. That'll warm you right up."  
  
"That's your first good idea of the day," she teases, rolling Vanessa against the back of the sofa so she can stand up. "And I will do that right now, so I can warm you up as well."   
  
She walks away to the bathroom, stepping into Rhona's room first and turning around with a sheepish look in her eyes. "Now I'm actually going," she says as she disappears around the corner. Leaving behind the echo of her laugh and a warmth fluttering in Vanessa's body.  
  


* * *

  
A cloud of steam follows her when she steps out of the bathroom, her hair hanging over her shoulders, leaving a trail of water drops behind on the floor. She's wearing Vanessa's bathrobe Vanessa notices. The fancy one she bought as a treat to herself with the dark red silk that's soft against her skin. It's neatly tied around Charity's middle now. Barely covering anything when Charity saunters over, Vanessa's knickers peaking out with every step. Vanessa's eyes follow her legs until they are standing in front of her. Her hands move to the knot of the robe as in trance. Vanessa barely has to tug before the robe falls open. She runs her fingers over the soft silk, Charity's skin almost as soft when she touches her stomach and runs her fingers over her sides. She traces the silver lines on her thighs and presses a kiss against them before she moves back up and looks into Charity's eyes.  
  
There is a bruise on her right cheek that Vanessa hadn't seen before. It's dark, almost purple, with a green hue colouring the edges. Vanessa stands up and traces her fingers over the spot softly. Charity looks confused, the concern in Vanessa's eyes not matching with what she had in mind. Sexy and irresistable was what she was going for, not sad or cause for worry. "What you doing babe," she asks, her fingertips warm against Vanessa's wrist, tickling the blue lines on the inside. Her eyes follow the movements of her fingers.  
  
Vanessa tilts Charity's chin up, looking for more bruises or wounds. Her concern mostly replaced by anger now, eyes aflame and lips in a tight line. She looks in Charity's eyes, hoping to find the anwers there. "Who did this to you?" It's almost a whisper, her voice tense and her hands shaking.   
  
Charity steps back then, suddenly realising what Vanessa is seeing. Her hand fly up to cover the spot under her eye. She turns away slightly, shrugging. "Just fell. Nothing to concern yourself with."  
  
"No you didn't," Vanessa says, shaking her head. "And it's a couple of days old, judging by the colour of it." Vanessa steps towards Charity again, but Charity takes two steps back, holding her free hand out in front of her.   
  
"Don't."   
  
"Who did this Charity?" she repeats. "You can tell me. I swear no judgement."  
  
Charity is laughing now, but it sounds cruel, disbelieving. "I should've known," she whispers, hands shaking and pressed into fists.   
  
"Should've known what?"  
  
"That you know who I am, what I am. Same old, same old, huh. What am I to you then? A sad basket case? A little passion project? Someone to test your fantasies on? You can hand me the money right now babe, it's fine. I can even cut my rate a bit for you, student discount and all that."  
  
Vanessa is frozen on the spot, lips sealed. Anger raging through her at whoever did that to Charity. She can feel Charity's anger growing, like a snowball rolling of a mountain. Getting bigger and bigger and Vanessa doesn't know how to stop it. How to calm her down, comfort her. Show her that it doesn't matter to her, as long as Charity is okay.   
  
"Why didn't I see it this morning, when we woke up together?" The thought occurs to Vanessa suddenly. Words spilling out before she can think them through.   
  
"There is such a thing as make-up. Just slapped some on before you woke up. Didn't want to scare you off before it even started."  
  
Charity's walls are up now, the barriers built and there is no way to get to her now. "You wouldn't have scared me off. I just -"  
  
"Oh babe. I know how this works. People know I'm a cheap prossy and they run like the wind. Screaming, door slamming in my face. I've been there." She takes another step back and then two more. "So let me save you the effort." She opens the front door.  
  
"Please don't go," Vanessa begs as tears stream down her face and she takes a step towards the door. It slams in her face, her hair blowing out of her face with the force of it. She puts her hand against the door and turns around before sliding down. She puts her arms around her knees, her face hidden between them. She's alone again and Charity is alone out there. A sob shudders through her body and she tries to brush the tears from her face, but they just keep coming. She sniffs. Her voice barely a whisper as she stares to the sofa they spent most of the afternoon on. Anger still running through her, curling her hands into fists. "Charity," she breathes, head thudding against the door. "Please come back." 


	6. Icy what you did there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa goes to find Charity.

It's dark in the hallway. Her steps echo in her ear as her brain tries to keep up with her legs, running to the staircase that will lead her to the exit. To Charity hopefully.   
  
The sky is scattered with clouds, hiding the moon and leaving a dark hue over the city. Street lanterns lead the way down the street as she steps outside. The sudden cold hits her in the face and reminds her that she isn't wearing a coat, and neither is Charity. Her hands are already tingling and bright red, hidden away in her sleeves, curled up in fists. She doesn't see Charity anywhere. Not that she expected her to just stand outside, illuminated by the moon, waiting for Vanessa to take her into her arms and bring her back inside. It was more idle hope than anything, but she's still disappointed when she finds the street is nearly empty. No sign of Charity anywhere, just a few strangers struggling through the snow to get home. Worry bubbles up in her stomach, because she doesn't even know where Charity lives and she needs to make sure she's safe.  
  
Vanessa starts running and nearly slips in the icy layer of snow on the sidewalk, so she slows down and looks around. Scanning for blonde hair or the bright red robe Charity was still wearing. It's short and thin and she can't imagine Charity lasting long in this weather. The idea alone giving her goosebumps, even though she's wearing a jumper herself.  
  
It's even colder than in the afternoon, her breath clouding in front of her eyes with every exhalation and a sheen of ice covers the lampposts she passes. Cars are lined up on the side of the street, their windows frozen over. As if wintry spiders spun their webs there tonight, waiting for their prey to get caught. Vanessa had been followed here multiple times when she walked alone at night. By creepy men who shouted creepy things, increasing their pace when she did, looking away when she glanced over her shoulder. It makes her increase her pace now, to get to Charity faster, to make sure she's okay, even though the odds of finding her are slim at best.   
  
Vanessa crosses the road when the light turns green, careful to avoid the icy patches on the side of the pavement. She doesn't know where to look but her gut tells her to go to the park. As she walks past the church near the edge of the park the bells ring eight times. Charity has been gone for a little over twenty minutes now and worry is creeping up on her at the thought of Charity being in the cold for that long.   
  
She walks past the frozen pond. Two ducks are carefully walking on the ice, trying to stay upright on the slippery surface, their quacking loud in the echoing silence. The wind carries another sound, barely audible and she follows it to the wooden gazebo in the centre of the park. Surrounded by trees, their leaves rustling, almost covering up the soft cries coming from inside. She takes the steps two at a time and finds Charity sat on the floor with her back against the wooden railing, hidden away from the cold wind as much as she can.   
  
Her lips are blue and she's shaking. There are streaks of white crystals in her hair, frozen against her temple. She looks up when she hears Vanessa's footsteps, trying to brush her tears away, but giving up when it doesn't make any difference.   
  
"Just go away." It's barely audible. Her trembling lips make the words sound shaky and rattled.   
  
Vanessa steps closer. "Please let me help you."  
  
"I don't need your help." Her voice is louder, as if she mustered all her energy and put it in this sentence. As if it's been repeated in her head so often it's almost a reflex to say these words. As if it's the rule she lives by. Charity doesn't need anyone's help, thank you very much.   
  
"I want to help you anyway," Vanessa says,taking the last step towards Charity and sitting down next to her. She takes her jumper off and holds it out for Charity to stick her arms into. A sigh leaves her lips when Charity shakes her head and Vanessa sits back against the wooden panels.  
  
She brushes her hand over Charity's and the icy cold in Charity's fingers sends her into action, taking Charity's arms in hers and helping her put the jumper on. Charity tries to stop her, but when the soft wool touches her skin she acquiesces. Charity looks away from Vanessa then, at the clouds drifting past, feigning attention for the wooden panels and pretending to inspect her nails.   
  
"Charity," Vanessa says, waiting for Charity to look at her and trying for a gentle smile when she does. "I don't mind who you are, or whatever you think that means. I like _you_ , the person I got to know the last couple of days. And all the parts that I don't know yet, I'm sure I'll like them too."   
  
Vanessa reaches out, her fingers brushing over Charity's knuckles and she's relieved that Charity doesn't shrug her off. She turns her hand around, letting Vanessa slip her fingers between Charity's and holding her hand tightly.   
  
"It doesn't define you, you know," Vanessa continues, putting her free hand against Charity's chest, feeling her heartbeat thrum against her fingers. "Your past or even your present. It just matters what's in here. And I know there's loads of kindness and beauty. Because you are amazing and you are wonderful."  
  
Charity looks at Vanessa then. Eyes still red and gleaming, tears threatening to spill over at any minute. "Amazing?" she asks. As if it's unimaginable that someone would use that word to describe her.   
  
Vanessa nods. "Yes you are. You are amazing Charity. And all I care about is that you're safe and healthy and happy. And I don't care what you used to do or what you're doing right now as long as you are those things."  
  
Charity looks into her eyes, trying to look for a lie. But she doesn't seem to find any and a tentative smile works it's way on her face when she squeezes Vanessa's hand.   
  
"I was happy, those last couple of days with you."  
  
Vanessa is smiling now too. "Good, because I am too. Happier when you're around." They sit in silence for a bit with the wind whirling around them, creating an oddly pieceful atmosphere.  
  
"I'm cold Ness," Charity whispers after a few minutes and Vanessa can feel Charity's body shake. So she stands up and holds her hand out for Charity to grap. Pulling her up and wrapping her arms around her.   
  
They start walking, down the stairs and over the gravel path. "I'm sorry." Charity looks away as she says it, an honest apology so foreign on her lips that she hides away from it. "You know, for being a right cow and screaming at you like that."  
  
"It's alright Charity."  
  
"No it's not alright.You've been nothing but kind to me. I should've known that I could trust you."  
  
"You haven't known me for that long. I'll keep showing up and remind you until you know for sure."  
  
Charity stops walking, tugging on Vanessa's hand to stop her. "I have no idea why you'd want to be with me. No clue at all."  
  
Vanessa wraps her free hand around Charity's, squeezing her fingers to get her attention. "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Then you'd know how great you are. How smart and kind and beautiful."   
  
"And amazing," Charity says, rolling her eyes.   
  
"And amazing." Vanessa nods.   
  
"I really like you, Charity Dingle. So there, deal with that."  
  
Speckles of white fall down in Charity's hair and within seconds big snowflakes colour the sky white, reflecting light as fireflies on a summer night. There is a genuine smile on Charity's face now, even though her lips are still blue and her teeth are still clattering.  
  
Charity steps forward, her body leaning against Vanessa's. She kisses her, soft and slowly. And it's like magic, surrounded by the falling snow on Christmas night. Vanessa holds Charity close when their lips part, her arms folded around Charity's middle and their foreheads together.   
  
Vanessa presses a kiss to the tip of Charity's nose, sighing in relief that Charity is back in her arms. "Let's go back inside."  
  


* * *

  
They are sitting with their backs pressed against the radiator. Their hair wet from the shower they took to warm back up again. Charity had been shaking in her arms when they stood under the warm and steady stream of the shower. Every inch of her body cold to the touch in a way it can only be with this kind of bone-deep cold that makes you feel paralysed. The shampoo Vanessa applied to her hair was coursing over her shoulders as she pulled Vanessa against herself and burried her face in Vanessa's neck.  
  
It feels like the heat from the radiator almost burns through the flannel of her pyjamas, but she welcomes it after just having chased away the cold from her body. Charity is next to her, head leaning against Vanessa's and her eyes are closed. Her breathing is slower than before and her chest moves in a steady rhythm, but Vanessa can't seem to doze off. Everything that happened today still roaming through her mind.  
  
It's strange, she thinks then, how comfortable it feels with Charity by her side. They've only really known each other for a little while, but Charity's presence brings with it a calmness that she hasn't known in a long time. Even though Charity is a whirlwind, stirring up different emotions left and right, Vanessa still feels oddly pieceful when she's there. Like the missing puzzle piece slotting into place, completing the self-portrait Vanessa was always too afraid to look at. She feels like she can truly be herself when Charity is around. No hiding behind masks or putting on a show for someone else's sake. Just the two of them doing whatever and she feels more free than ever before. She knows it's probably not the same for Charity, with all the secrets and trauma she's had to hide to survive. But maybe they'll get there someday, when Charity is ready to talk about it. If she is ever ready, because Vanessa won't push again. Won't force Charity to open up about something that might tear her apart. Because Charity is strong, partly out of necessity, but also because that's who she is. But that doesn't mean she needs to shoulder everthing on her own. Regardless of strength, everyone deserves someone to help carry their burden. Make it a bit lighter. And if she can do that for Charity one day,.. Well she'd carry the whole world for her if she asked. Maybe even if she doesn't.  
  
Charity stirs next to her. Her eyes open wide in a panicked look, surveying her surroundings to look for apparent danger. She calms down when she sees Vanessa and feels Vanessa's hand laced with her own and her lips brushing her shoulder. "You're safe," Vanessa whispers, because she doesn't know what else to say. "I'm here."  
  
"How long was I asleep for?" Charity asks, stretching her body to get her aching muscles to settle down.   
  
"About an hour," Vanessa tells her, resting her chin against Charity's forehead and inhaling the scent of her own shampoo in Charity's hair. "You feeling a bit better?"  
  
Charity picks up Vanessa's left hand and starts carefully brushing her fingers over her knuckles, turning her hand to sweep her fingers over the lines on her palm. "Loads," she says, her index finger stopping on a scar at the base of her thumb.   
  
"It's from a dog," Vanessa explains when Charity looks at her questioningly. "My dad brought me to the park one day when I was about seven and he got distracted. Turned out he had arranged to meet up with a woman there, that's why he took me. Mum told me years later when I asked her about him. Reckoned her stories about all the crappy things he'd done would stop me from going to see him. I guess it worked, 'cause I never visited him and we didn't speak about him much afterwards."  
  
Charity's nails scrape over her palm and she looks up again. "Anyway," Vanessa sighs, as she folds her free hand around Charity's. "The dog bit me when he wasn't looking and we had to go to the doctor to get a shot. Dad was pretty mad, told me I had been reckless and irresponsible."  
  
"But you were only a kid."   
  
"Well, I had scuppered his date with his bit on the side, so he didn't care then. Bought me a big cake and brought me to the soft play centre later though, when he felt guilty. And I wasn't even mad at him. Or disappointed. Just happy that he wanted to spend time with me at all. That he showed up for once." She turns to look at Charity, smiling when she moves her hand to cup Vanessa's face. "I don't know why I told you just now. Sop stories aren't really Christmas appropriate I guess."  
  
"I'm happy to listen," Charity says, moving forward so their foreheads are touching. She tips Vanessa's chin upwards so their lips touch briefly, a smile on her face when she leans back again. "So not a dog person then?"  
  
Vanessa laughs. "I am actually. Just prefer the non-biting ones. And I did approach it running and screaming to be fair, so it probably just got scared.   
  
"Sounds like something I would do," Charity whispers.   
  
"What? Running towards a dog like a crazy person or biting when someone does that to you?" Vanessa laces her fingers through Charity's, delighting in the warmth of their palms pressed together, so different from the icy cold from before.   
  
"That last one," Charity says. "Seems like I learned though, since I am still here." She turns to Vanessa with a wicked grin on her face.  
  
"Oi, are you saying that I'm crazy?" Vanessa wants to say more, but Charity's lips find hers again and it doesn't really matter anymore. The thought pushed to the background so suddenly that she already forgot what it was.   
  
A loud ping from the oven breaks them apart. She moves a strand of slightly wet hair out of Charity's face, the ends already dried up and forming curls that dance around her face. "Are you ready for your super fancy Christmas dinner," Vanessa says, as she stands up and holds her hands out to help Charity up as well.   
  
"You call them scraps we threw in there fancy?" Charity says, getting their dinner out of the oven while Vanessa grabs the cutlery and sits down at the dinner table.   
  
"It'll do right?" Vanessa asks, smiling when Charity rolls her eyes.  
  
"Oh, it'll do just fine." Charity leans in for a quick kiss, her lips hovering near Vanessa's ear afterwards. "Merry Christmas Vanessa," she whispers.   
  
"Merry Christmas Charity."  
  
 **THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
